Adult Ministries at Our Lady of Mercy

Married couples don't always have to agree with each other, but it's important to be together on core values. Are there key principles on which you disagree? For daily marriage tips visit: www.ForYourMarriage.org.

Why does the annulment process take so long? What is the difference between an annulment and a divorce?

There are whole books written about each of these subjects, and still there is more confusion than understanding. A divorce ends the legal contract of marriage between a man and a woman. An annulment, on the other hand, is given by the church and declares that from the beginning of the marriage something was either present or absent that prevented the sacramental bond from taking place. People mistakenly think that an annulment means they never loved the person, or that the marriage never took place. It is easier to enter the con-tract of marriage than the sacrament. The sacrament re-quires much more, including freedom to marry, intention, knowledge and ability to fulfill the obligations of marriage. If a person does not have the intentions of permanence, fidelity or children, or does not have the ability to fulfill these obligations, or lacks the freedom or maturity to enter into marriage, the sacrament does not take place. One still enters the contract of marriage, called a putative marriage in church law, but it is not a sacrament. Annulments are the way the church defines and protects the sacrament so it is not reduced to a simple ceremony or equated with civil contracts.

Marriage Moments & Parenting Perspectives

MARRIAGE MOMENTS
You can make a difference. Check with your parish or Office of Family Life Ministries at 716-847-2210 or e-mail family-life@buffalodiocese.org If things are severe, check out this website: www.marriagesaved.com

'Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing' (Luke 23:34). Maybe you need to ask forgiveness from your spouse; maybe you need to offer it. Forgiveness is a decision. The words 'Please forgive me' have more power than just saying 'I'm sorry,' as you are allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable. It can be worth the risk. If your marriage is struggling we can help..

Communication is not always the same as talking. Being a person of one?s word and following through with action makes communication true. „Let us love not in word or speech, but in deed and truth.? (1 John 3:18). Sometimes couples struggle in their communication skills. Seek help and support through counseling.

Has life handed you a set-back? No matter how bad the situation, don't take it out on each other. Face it side by side, not pointing a finger at each other. Find something to learn from your mistake or predicament. Share your feelings and thoughts and grow as a couple even more.

Take the time to kiss your spouse every day. Slow down and enjoy the moment. Who knows the next one will come? It’s actually a moment of quality time and enhances your marriage. So easy. So simple. So powerful!

Do you and your spouse have different shopping personalities? Is he utilitarian while you are a recreational shopper? Are you a bargain hunter while she shops as therapy? Instead of getting annoyed with each other try to u8nderstand with the heart instead of the head and appreciate your differences which can be opportunities for growth instead of stumbling blocks.

Love is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury (1 Corinthians 13.5). Sure, you might be right. Yes, you might be justified in feeling offended. Nursing that grudge, however will not heal your relationship. Get some distance; then let go of negative feelings. Taking one step toward reconciliation in your heart goes a long way.

Marriage Moment Is your marriage going well? Great! Maybe it’s time to give back. Consider passing on your hard earned wisdom as a mentor to engaged couples or taking leadership in a marriage enrichment program. If you are blessed, you have responsibilities. You can make a difference. Check with your parish or Office of Family Life Ministries at 716-847-2210 or e-mail family-life@buffalodiocese.org

PARENTING PERSPECTIVES

Remember to depend on God’s Word for the extra love and energy needed when you’re tired and weary from parenting. Children can tire and frustrate us, but they can also teach us simplicity, awe, and loyal love. Remember Jesus’ words, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18: 3) Just for today, look at your child with the eyes of Jesus. What can you learn from your child today?

Give your children an allowance because it teaches them good financial habits and responsibility. But, don't 'pay' children for doing common household chores. Being a part of a family means that everyone pitches in to help. Contributing is part of belonging. Teach through your example. Affirm their contributions. 'Thank you' are two of the best words to use.

A s children grow older, they should take more responsibility for their chores, remembering their homework, the time to get up. Teach them ways to remind themselves. Don?t stunt their growth by doing it for them. This can be a great parenting “fast? so your children can “feast” on being responsible, confident persons.

Do you ever talk behind your child's back? Sometimes this isn't all bad. If your son or daughter "accidentally" overhears a compliment it can carry extra sincerity. If it's a warning it may defuse defensiveness. If you're just floating an idea, it can open later dialogue before making a commitment. Do watch your language. What is seen and heard has power to build up or tear down.

Parenting Perspective: Is your child NDD (Nature Deficit Disorder)? Continue the spirit of Earth Day by doing something outside with your child this weekend. Perhaps take a walk or hike together. Take along a bag and pick up litter as you go. Make it into a contest. Share how you feel about your efforts. This may become a new family habit.

Parenting Perspective: Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you and your children have been inundated with news about the earthquake in Haiti these last few weeks. Perhaps you and any older children have donated to the relief work, but what can a baby or toddler do? Not much. They are with us to hug and remind us that life is fragile. Pray again for parents and children who no longer have each other to hug. Do this as a family.

Apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness; it shows you are big enough to admit your mistakes and models an important skill for your child. Is there anything you’ve done (or not done) during the past year that an apology would help heal? Be big enough to do it. Saying “I’m sorry” is not as deep a gift as saying “Please forgive me.” Notice the difference?

Try a “tech free day”. No TV. No computer, no cell phone, no video games. It may seem cruel and unusual punishment but it can also be a challenge. Of course, you have to choose a day that is not tech dependent, but it can teach you and your children how to savor human relationships and how to be resourceful. Have a tentative plan in mind and share the ideas of how to use the day together.

Not every family outing will be a highlight like fireworks, so savor the subtle meaningful moments with your child, a sleeping baby, a toddler following an ant, catching lightning bugs together, a passing hug from a teen, an email signed “Love” from an adult child, a voicemail or text “thinking of you.”